It’s been a real roller coaster the past few days, to be honest. I started getting hounded with thoughts and imaginary guilt trips which I really didn’t need. Why I do this to myself I don’t know. Reliving memories and seeing the pain, hurt, and suffering I’ve caused. My brain takes it out of context and amplifies it a thousand times over. Laying in bed not being able to sleep because of all the noise. So I conceded and took Valium early yesterday morning, then iterated it through the day. It helped. I slept at night. Progress. I even managed to mow the grass out back and it looks much better out there now. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Today I woke up and got the dogs out on the morning walk at 7am. Tried to make as little noise as possible so everyone could sleep in. D appeared not long after I was back and she had a moment of doubt about her Easter traditions. So I put my hand up, helped, and think we got it sorted. See. We are a dysfunctional family in a way. D and I sat at the table, B was by the window with his ear defenders on so he could both not see us eat or hear us. S her usual self absent on the sofa. Five minutes passed. Kids had the easter breakfast and disappeared leaving D and me to watch mass on tv. I take that as a victory. The kids left their rooms, they shared the basket offering and wished each other good things, had a plate full of Polish goodness (salads, sausage, and cakes), then ate with us before going. That to me is a win. It’s not massive, by no means normal to have that but considering both kids have MH-related issues it was good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Part of me wishes for a normal household. One able to go on walks or cinemas without one of the kids being triggered or me for that matter. I do hate the burden I bring but am adamant that it won’t defeat me nor my marriage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That’s another easter done and dusted. Still got some chocolate egg left so will demolish that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hope you’ve all had a good respective holiday \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It’s been a real roller coaster the past few days, to be honest. I started getting hounded with thoughts and imaginary guilt trips which I really didn’t need. Why I do this to myself I don’t know. Reliving memories and seeing the pain, hurt, and suffering I’ve caused. My brain takes it out of context […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[92,290,357,526,606,609,831,893,1033,1120,1403,1853,1892],"class_list":["post-1056","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-affairs","tag-anxiety","tag-chocolate","tag-coping-mechanisms","tag-depression","tag-dysfunctional-family","tag-easter","tag-guilt","tag-hope","tag-life","tag-mental-health","tag-progress","tag-victory","tag-weekend"],"yoast_head":"\n