I’ve been struggling with something for a long time, and I’m finally ready to talk about it. I’m trapped in my own mind. It’s not like I’m daydreaming all the time. It’s more like I’m living in a different world. A world where I’m not in control, can’t escape but everything is perfect.
But then, suddenly, I’m back in reality. And I’m lost.
It happens at random times. Sometimes I’m at work, and sometimes I’m at home. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, or who I’m with. I just start to drift off. And then, before I know it, I’m in this other world. It’s a beautiful world. The sun is always shining, and the flowers are always in bloom. There’s no pain, no suffering, no sadness.
I’m always happy but scared in this world. I can do anything I want. I can fly, I can swim, I can talk to animals. But I cannot break free from it. But then, the dream starts to fade. And I start to come back to reality.
And I’m not happy anymore. I’m scared. I don’t want to leave this world. Which world is it.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I want to talk to my doctor, but they won’t understand. I’m starting to think that I’m crazy. But I know I’m not. I know that this is real. I just need to find a way to control it. I need to find a way to stay in this world forever.
If you’re reading this, and you know what’s wrong with me, please help me. I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do.
🙁
5 responses to “I’m Trapped in My Own Mind”
maladaptive daydreaming?
Never heard of it, will look into it, thanks!!
First let me assure you, there is nothing wrong with you.
Second, to answer your question I would need a lot more information but let me just use the details you published in this post. I think Maia’s post above is not too far from the truth, but let me expand a bit on what you may be experiencing.
The unconscious is in constant communication with consciousness. Most of the time this communication comes in the form of inspiration, projection, and emotions, but this is not always the case. Dreams for example are an extreme form of this communication and are typically possible when we sleep because the defenses consciousness typically employs to ward off these communication attempts. Dreams can happen any time we relax these defenses, even when we are awake and when that happens we typically refer to them as “day dreams.”
Day dreams are natural and happen to everyone at one point or another and do not to be feared or over pathologized. In fact day dreams, like all dream material can be a rich source of information regarding what the unconscious is trying to bring to your attention and therefore what you need work on.
Another name for day dreams is fantasies. What is important to know about fantasies, again beside the fact that all humans have them occur periodically throughout the day, is that fantasies are either self grandising (you are the best, life is fantastic everyone likes me) or they are self derogatory (I’m a failure/loser/lost cause, nobody likes me, I will fail at whatever I attempt) in nature. Fantasies, like dreams, should not taken to be literally meaning what they present, because the unconscious does not speak the same language you do. The unconscious, or psyche, speaks in symbols. So any dream or fantasy will have an over arching or surface theme (anxiety, or in your case happiness or maybe joy) and a lot of deeper symbolic meaning taken from each of the images in the dream.
For example dreaming of a teapot does not mean “teapot.” The teapot is a symbol of something deeper which you associate with the image of a teapot. For example all those afternoon teas with your grandmother who made you feel so warm and welcome…
In a general sense that is what I think is what you are experiencing, a reoccurring fantasy which is so strong you believe it to be “where” you are supposed to be. This is not unusual nor something you need to be overly scared of, but you do (suggestion only) need to try to understand what the fantasy is trying to tell you.
My suggestion is start writing these fantasize down, in as much detail as you can recall after having one. Then try to get in touch with the feelings associated with each symbol in the dream. Yes understanding the theme can be helpful but it is not where the work ends. Unfortunately dream interpretation is a bit more complex than that and that is why books and websites about dream symbols are not necessarily helpful. You need to understand what the symbols mean to you. Going back to my example of a teapot, my relationship to the image (a basic white guy from stateside) is going to be very different to yours (British, right?).
Lastly I would suggest you find yourself a psychologist familiar with dream interpretation, a psychoanalyst if you can find one, and bring in your dream material to this person.
Sorry for the length of my reply but I hope it helps.
Whatever it is, you are not alone, I assure you. There are others who experience this kind of disconnect right there in Manchester, whether it’s BPD or something else. And there are NHS professionals who can treat it. Set up an appointment!
Thank you. I have a BPD diagnosis so it might be part of that. I want to speak to them about the drifting is part of it. But thank you. I think I will!