I’m afraid I will have to apologise to you, kind reader, that I cannot write about an ideal week. That is too much to ask and would involve a ‘shit ton’ of typing. I can however offer you an ideal day.
It’s in no particular a special day but a certain series of conditions need to be met for it to be successful.

Previously I would type about waking up to my might, hugging her tight and annoying her with neck kisses till the kids jump on the bed screaming about something or other. Granted they are a bit old for that now. Suzi, all of 13 would think it lame and Ben at 11 would probably enjoy it as he loves cuddles. The dogs would be a different story altogether, they would be howling at the surprise, barking and then squaring off the kids and wife to protect me.

That day will never come, so I’ll settle for what I think is an ideal day.

Wake up at 6 am, get the kettle on and prepare for a coffee & tea breakfast. One to speed up the heart and the other to calm the senses. Next, I grab the wheelbarrow full of drugs from the cupboard and munch on them muck like chalk in a bowl. I’m kidding. I’ll be taking them with an energy drink, diet mind you, left open from the night before. Fruit flies entered my throat with a tangy aftertaste from its opened state all night.

I wander around for a place to sit. The dining table? Desk. Let’s go with a desk. I open up a couple of news websites and pursue my way around them looking for anything interesting to read about. People have this obsession with watching video shorts which drives me mad. I like reading. Granted it’s a bloody computer but I still like and prefer to read my news. It took me years to get out of the buying-a-paper habit so don’t take this last thing away from me. Coffee and tea soon finished, pupils the size of swimming pools, I am not adequately stoned to begin my day.

I’m meeting my best friend in town and have planned a few coffee shops, comic stores and vintage memorabilia shops to look through. We will grab a pretentious lunch unless I can find a pie and ale shop. We will talk balls for hours. Realising the time we head to the hotel, check out bags in the room, chill for five minutes, get changed and head back out to the pubs of Manchester. Finding a nice little nook somewhere we drink till 1 am and stubble our way back to the hotel.

I wake up, my best friend still asleep. I have a quick vape before assessing the situation. My ideal day is complete. Bestie wakes up, we get a fantastic full English and then I walk him to the train station. I’ll grab an Uber home as I live outside the city.

Fin.