I can’t say that without singing the song with it heeeeeeeeere I gooo again on my owwwwwn. I haven’t been able to do a post in a while as a few things happened in between last Thursday and now, so you’ve had second-rate posts and qotd.

So last Thursday I had an appointment with a consultant (mental health) which was years overdue. I remember little of the meeting except I siesuered up at some point and then suddenly back in the room with a scared consultant. I managed to get back to the relative safety of “Das Motel”. Next thing I know I’m awake on the floor and my face is fucking killing. It transpires that I passed out, banged my head and then managed to carpet-burn my face on the course carpet. Then proceeded to have the most fucked up morning of my life.

One second I was on my knees looking for things to bring to D’s house. Then she phoned me. Then I started getting scared. Then D was in the hotel room and stood behind me asking questions. If I was going to be there yet. Next flash. I’m suddenly on the road, I’m near the motorway. I don’t need the motorway. Blackout. Next flash about 20 minutes down the motorway. WTF am I doing here? Blackout. Cars beeping horns. I slammed on the brakes a lot, and my chest was sore from the seat belt. Suddenly I’m at D’s house. Then a knock at the door with a police officer standing there. “A lot of worried people have been looking for you. You don’t have your medication or your phone”. Then I was just talking gibberish at this point. The officer took me back to the motel and left the car outside of D’s house. I refused to go to the hospital despite his protests as my head was pretty dinged up. Agree for an ambulance to check me over. He waited with me till he was called onto his next job. He told the food truck I was sitting next to, to keep an eye on me. Same with the reception staff so I don’t wander off somewhere dangerous.

The brain slowly destressing. Hands working. Text D back that I’m alive and I am thankful she called the police when she couldn’t get hold of me. So. This triggered a few things. 1. not allowed out for a while, 2. if I have a seizure I need to sit somewhere and not move. The following Monday I had an army of phone calls from different agencies. My main one called me and told me he had the police report and that I was driving around randomly on the motorway network. They were tracking me on the ANPR cameras all the way home. No action was taken but no license. The doctor phoned and we talked for a good 30 minutes going over things, he said he has to tell the driving agency that I can’t drive with my FND condition, they can’t take the risk of it happening again. It was a miracle in the first place that no one was hurt. He raised a good point, he asked “Do you even remember getting into the car?” and no, I don’t, which is scary.

So that’s that. I’m seeing the consultant again this Friday and he’s bringing a friend. This is awesome because it went so well stressing out about it last time that it triggered me. If I’m getting blackout vibes then I’m cancelling.

That is why I haven’t posted till now as I can’t remember a lot of the things that happened that night and day. The stuff I do remember is all disjointed and like a gap in my memory. Sure that’s going to bite me in the arse one day in a flashback.

I’ll ease myself back into blogging. Should help maintain routine which has got me through the past week. Today I woke up really dizzy and it’s not gone away. So I accepted today would be an off day where I do things that calm me down. Like looking at the trading card collection I’m mid-sorting out. Masterchef, music, lots and lots of music.

Hope you’ve all had a good weekend.