I know its been a few days since I last posted. I’ve been wallowing in my own self pity again. It peaked yesterday so am slowly coming back up, hopefully. It left me wondering about a few things, fear of leaving the flat. I’ve had this get worse as time goes by and I thought I would of mastered it by now.

Today, I managed to get outdoors. A trek to the shop to pay some utility bills and grab some yoghurt. Exciting stuff undoubtedly. But I managed to get out. It took a lot of “Don’t think about it” and “Just go, don’t look back”. The odd thing about all this is if I’m with a person, I can do it so long as someone is next to me. I’ll experiment this coming week to see if its anyone or if it has to be a specific person.

The diet has gone well, I’ve lost another 5kg. I’m aware that doesn’t sound much but any movement with my weight is a good thing. I’ve mostly been having diet shakes, soup and bread and then some hard boiled eggs for when the times are hard. It’s not a bad diet. It is difficult and I do have to keep on reminding myself that pain is temporary and soon the craving will go. Hopefully, the next week will be much of the same.

Now, after all that exciting news I’ve spent the day listening to music at obnoxious volumes to compete with the stomping I hear from the elephant that lives upstairs. Not that they are as fat as a elephant, its more just the noise. Can’t complain too much as the bedroom here is amazing, I do have my windows open day and night so its always cool to sleep in but I fall asleep often to podcasts and I’m always worried people can hear it, even though I have it on low.

I’m missing family at the moment. It would be nice to see the kids but I’m not allowed till September. This was due to an incident wherein B was staying with me, I was curled up in agony and trapped in those fun delusions. I think I already blogged about it. Its also the tenth anniversary of mum dying. She passed away from cancer, this day, 4.30am in 2014. I still miss her. I miss Dad as well, he died 14th August 2018. I also got divorced last year on 14th August just a day before my birthday. Its not a great month. But, its almost over. I’ll light a candle tonight for mum and look through some photos.

And food delivery will be here shortly so that is all from me!

Oh, that and I’m happy with todays progress getting out of the house. Next stop, hair cut! Its last been cut back in December and I can make a pony tail. I just look like comic book guy. Wait. I have an arsenal of comics. I have therefore I am. Anyway. Positive vibes!