Not sure what to blog about today. The three little dots come to mind. Between the dots, the silence is astounding. I’m teetering on the edge of mania. The anticipation is unbearable. Usually this is when a Valium is required to bring me back to reality but I don’t want to. I’ve been watching this feeling grow and develop all week. I don’t want to ruin it. I’ll tumble back to earth with the soul destroying numbness that taking some will inevitably lead to. But. I can’t stay on the edge forever, another day and I think the anticipation will explode. I’ll do something stupid or reckless again. Like I always do. I should just graciously accept the limitations of my brain and just cave in. After all the world is easier to handle behind the numbness. So many stupid things. Simple things. Wasted. This week, nor the one before it for that matter, have been exceptionally heavier and harder to deal with.

The doctor called earlier today. They said they spoke to me last week and I really couldn’t remember them calling. I frantically started trying to retrace steps while just agreeing with them. They have made several referrals in regards to my health. I agreed to bringing in some extra help for the future. I’m desperately trying to hold onto memories but its getting harder and harder to recall things. It was at a few weeks worth that I can remember, now it’s failing at a week or so. Its nothing serious. I’ll be fine.

Goosebumps all day on my back and neck. I’m sure that must mean something. A superstition I mean. Like when people walk over your grave and you get a chill and cold shudder. Its half way like that. Like a sneeze that you can’t get out.

I found some nice new music yesterday evening and have been listening to it most of the day. An artist called Nimino. Really nice beats and melodies. The head bobbing and getting lost in simple but brilliant notes. That’s my find of the week on Spotify. I found them at random in a Spotify generated playlist.

Hope everyone is having a good week, well, had a good week as its pretty much weekend now.

Time for dinner. Yummy, diet shakes 🙁