So, which is it? Are we alone in the universe, or are we not? Both possibilities are equally terrifying.

Always loved this quote. Something about it just resonates in my head. I look forward to the day, probably my son’s generation, when they will hear a bloop on a satellite somewhere indicating an intelligent signal. It’s simply not possible to believe in a world other than our own in the vast expanse of the Universe. I think my generation will be long gone before that happens. Nice to think it wouldn’t. Like flying cars. We were promised flying cars by now and that hasn’t happened so there is not much hope for us!

My BPD is playing up today. I had lots of plans and little plans to accomplish but I couldn’t seem to get my feet off the ground to do it. I’ve managed to have an existential crisis, tidy the lounge & kitchen, take delivery & put away all the food shopping and that’s where it ends. It’s not a case of sitting on the sofa power scrolling my way through FB but a gentle sob with a tear in my eye trying to stop thinking.

This is a dangerous area for me. When this starts to happen I need to catch it fast, trap it, and then deep space launch it to the sun. Stopping thinking, personally, is the hardest part of this condition. You just simply cannot shut the voices up. I’m trying the counting method which I explained before but it’s like there are levels in my head where I think of different things. I count, then I hear a voice whilst still counting so I start a new count at the opposite pace of the first count and then another voice and I get THE biggest headache trying to cover that with this and so on. It’s led me to a dark place where I want to just crack open a few pills, rum, lots of rum, and numb everything. I know I’m supposed to take valium when this happens but I hate the stuff because I need a large dose which causes a hangover the next day.

I just need to take my mind off things for a while. But this happened five days ago. I hate the rapid cycles. It’ll probably be mostly gone by the evening and I’ll be back to my cheery self. But what if it’s not? so the cycle continues.

So, the plan for today will be to take the dogs on their afternoon walk, get dog food for them on the way to get the kids, get the kids, and then slink back into the darkness and safety of the house. How about you guys, many wild plans for today?