“We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold.”
― Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

D has taken the kids and gone on a mini-holiday with them, in a boat, in 60 mph winds. It was an interesting moment when I received the text whilst en route to a client to deliver some IT training. Thoughts racing through my mind. “Is this the precursor to her leaving?”, “Have I finally pushed her over the edge?”, “Is the boat code for something else”. A real brain buster when you’ve only glanced at the message, not seeing the preceding or any message after it was sent. I pulled up outside of the client’s house, palms sweaty I picked up my phone and started to read what was going on.

It turns out my BPD-ridden mind decided to warp everything into a negative situation. This is something I manage to keep in check most days, but not today. “She can take anything she wants, I just want my birds and a Nina”. But, alas, she decided to take the kids away as it’s half term here, and I need to work plus the added bonus of two dogs would mean very little space in the car. I calmed down. Composed myself and delivered the training.

I came home and they were all packed up. I gave D the keys to my car since it’s newer and has a breakdown cover so if anything happens I know they’ll be sorted. They got to the boat after a few hour’s drive. I of course naturally took this time to assess my situation. Alone. Three days. This leads to the quote at the beginning of this post. Now, when asked, Bard generated the following answer that 60mg was the highest dose in one day. I can happily inform you dear reader that after taking it for more than a decade the highest dose does nothing. Although I am eyeing up some opiates and wine but I’m fortunately resisting the urge and proving I can be left alone by resorting to old habits, which, as we all know fade hard.

Besides I took chlorpromazine yesterday which totally fu*ked me up for the work meeting this morning. That was just embarrassing. I couldn’t find my words, I sounded shakey and probably looked like a right mess.

Enough of drugs.

*looks for photos*

Yeah, I got nothing. Night!