Some things are worth fighting for and I have decided to stop being dominated by my fears and try my hardest to get out of this situation I find myself in. Memories to me are like cancer spreading through your mind and body. The good memories start to fade, or you get a twinge of guilt for thinking of something joyful but no. I will fight the hell out of my brain. I WILL have my good memories back. No more flashbacks, no more whispering in my ear. Because, well, fuck that. This isn’t life. Walking 100m and then needing to sit down. Not leaving my room because the outdoors scares me. No more. I won’t take it. I shouldn’t have to take it. So here are some good memories. They come from a time when I was single back in 2006. There is one of me topless. I aim to be that man again once I push past this walking problem.

These images might seem random and not what you think would be an important memory. Should they be of my children? maybe but I see them every day. These images act like a time machine taking me back to standing in a field of flowers, the scent, the wind and the peace I get from seeing that photo. The boots are from when Owen and I went out to Manchester, we were both living in Wales at the time, and I really wanted these, but they didn’t have size 12. Nor did I have the £120 to buy them. The motorbike parts that I ordered from Korea for my bike that I smartened up myself. Endless afternoons spent riding around the countryside without a care in the world. JD was a puppy who lasted 11 years, as a puppy he was awesome. I met J, R’s mum and we got a Molly together (a dog) I moved to Manchester rapidly and the family looked after JD. The pool in a hotel I used to frequent at work, I worked in Llandudno. Lots of hotels. Lots of pools. Then yes that’s me I used to think I was ugly in that photo. My body was my temple; in 2006-7 I treated it with no drugs, no drink, just rock climbing and the gym.

So in conclusion, screw you negative memories, here are some you will never take from me. Onwards and upwards.