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QOTD
If I make it to retirement age, they keep changing the age, I would love to retire to a static caravan in Whitby or Scarborough with D. To dance to loud music, drink with friends, and talk the night away before cuddling up with D in a nice warm bed. To watch sunsets and laugh…
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A picture paints a thousand words #4
So this is a photo from B’s baptism a long time ago, 2013 I think. D, M, and B are in the foreground, and my mum and dad are in the back. It’s an important photo for me as it reminds me why I’m here, why I should still be here, and that I love…
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Black dog
The black dog was always there. It followed me everywhere I went, lurking in the shadows, waiting to pounce. I could never see it clearly, but I knew it was there. It was the depression. It started slowly. At first, I just felt a little bit down. I didn’t want to go out, and I…
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Reprisal
So the past few days have had ups and downs. I really positive one is that I and D are looking into what we can do to get help from the council, in regards to either modifying this house (it’s privately rented) or getting a council house with adaptations. I called the crisis team yesterday…
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Expectations
I’m having some major anxiety issues at the moment. I’m sure my leg shaking can be heard from miles around. It’s on hyperdrive mode at the moment, when it’s not shaking my soul is trying to escape through from my stomach. Soul. Stomach. The demon might be better tbh. I just need to try and…
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The kid I used to know
Hello. It’s been a few days since I last posted. I just wasn’t feeling it when trying to put thoughts onto paper. Well. Computer screen. You get the idea. Things are a bit better now. I still don’t feel right but nowhere near as bad as I was. I can manage to sit, stand and…
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Hospital. Damn you.
I’m starting to get better and better at typing things which is great. I’m in hospital again. Been 4-5 days but not truly sure. It’s a strange experience. A surreal waking up experience of bright clinical lighting, sounds of the wheels on a trolly passing by and all the other things that come with a…
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Black dog is chasing me down
It’s hard. You know it’s hard but I’m not trying to undermine your thoughts. It should be simple and in the minds of most people who have never had an addiction, it is a simple thing. I’m craving vast amounts of alcohol again. I find myself on different websites adding things to the basket but…
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Rambling
I will be 40 in a few months and it feels like I should be thinking about the future. About what I want out of life, what I want to do with life, and how to exist. Should I retrain into a new profession, or should I stop the charity work for paid work? What…
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We don’t need no education…
I’ve managed to open the curtains downstairs as well as the windows. Small steps. Had they closed all week due to wanting to hide? Nice having some fresh air blowing into the house. Well, as fresh as Manchester air gets. Not quite the same as when we were living in the middle of nowhere in…